TRANSCRIPT FROM THE RADIO BROADCASTS OF CONSTANCE “CON ART” LEOPOLD ON HIS SHOW ENTITLED “MAD UNLIVING”
12 – 02 – 2022
“I MAY BE THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE. OR AT LEAST ONE OF THE LUCKIEST. I MEAN, FOR ONE, I'M A PART OF THE LESS THAN ONE PERCENT OF THE POPULATION OF THE WORLD TO SURVIVE. BUT ON THE OTHER, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU THE WHOLE STORY.
“I GOT IN MY TRAILER YESTERDAY AND DECIDED I WANTED TO MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE. SOMEWHERE BESIDES THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WHERE I'VE BEEN CIRCLING FOR THE PAST DECADE. I DECIDED THAT MAYBE I SHOULD GO SEE THE OCEAN. IT'S A NICE THING TO SEE SOMETIMES, EVEN IF YOU DO HATE THE BLOODY BEACH LIKE I DO. I HATE SALTWATER, I HATE SAND, AND I HATE CRABS. SERIOUSLY, CRABS ARE THE WORST! [laughter]
“ANYWAY, AS SOON AS I GOT TO THE OCEAN, I SAW A HUGE SHIP. IT WAS A CARGO LINER OF SOME KIND, I THINK. ITS NAME WAS THE S.S. HOLDSWORTH. I DROVE DOWN TO THE BEACH TO GET CLOSER AND FOUND A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE SETTING UP SOME KIND OF BASE CAMP. WELL, IT TURNS OUT THESE PEOPLE HEARD ABOUT THE VILLAGE NEAR HERE AND IT ALSO TURNS THEY'VE GOT A CURE FOR THE ZOMBIES. WELL, NOT REALLY. THEY CALLED IT AN INOCULATION AND IT MAKES YOU IMMUNE TO BEING TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE. LUCKY FOR ME, I HAPPENED TO STUMBLE UPON THEM AND GET INJECTED. NOW, I'LL NEVER BE ONE OF THOSE THINGS. IT'S TOO BAD. IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO BE ONE OF THOSE PONCES. YOU KNOW, NOBODY EVER JUDGES ANYONE, NO ONE TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO-
“WAIT... WHAT AM I SAYING?
“ANYWAY, INTERESTING PEOPLE ON THAT SHIP. THEIR CAPTAIN WAS A GUY CALLED HANK AND HE HAD THIS PRETTY EPIC BEARD. SEEMED LIKE A NICE GUY AND ALL; SAYS HE WAS IN THE AMERICAN ARMY BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE WENT DOWN. HIS WIFE IS THE FIRST MATE. CAN'T REMEMBER HER NAME, BUT SHE WAS A GOOD LOOKING ONE. ALTHOUGH, MY PERCEPTION MIGHT BE A BIT WARPED BECAUSE THERE REALLY ISN'T A GOOD STANDARD AROUND THESE PARTS. HER ACCENT WAS MAD WEIRD THOUGH.
“THEY HAD KIDS TOO... ONE WAS A BOY, ONE WAS A GIRL. THE GIRL WAS THE OLDER ONE AND SHE WAS ELEVEN, I THINK. HER NAME WAS EMMA AND SHE HAD MORE ATTITUDE THAN I'VE SEEN IN A PERSON OF THAT SIZE. SHE WAS AFRAID OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND MADE SURE I KNEW ABOUT IT. AND THEN HER BROTHER WAS NINE AND HE WAS MUCH, MUCH QUIETER. HE SEEMED LIKE HE WAS INTERESTED IN ALL THE GEAR LYING AROUND. HE HAD TO TOUCH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. AND THEN HE WENT UP TO MY TRAILER AND JUST... LOOKED IT OVER. I THINK HE WAS CURIOUS ABOUT HOW IT WORKED. I NEVER HEARD THE KID'S VOICE THOUGH. HANK SAID HIS NAME WAS LIAM AND THEN HIS WIFE CLARIFIED THAT HE WAS, IN FACT, NAMED AFTER LIAM NEESON. WHAT A PONCEY THING TO DO.
“I SPENT THE DAY WITH THEM AND THEN THEY INVITED ME TO JOIN THEIR CREW. OF COURSE, I ACCEPTED. TOMORROW, I'M SAILING OFF WITH THE S.S. HOLDSWORTH AS A COMMUNICATIONS TECHNICIAN. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS ALSO MEANS THAT THIS IS MY LAST BROADCAST. I'M SAD TO SEE IT GO, BUT 'MAD UNLIVING' IS OFFICIALLY DEAD. IF YOU'VE LISTENED AT ALL, YOU'RE FOREVER IN MY HEART. MAYBE ONE DAY I'LL START BROADCASTING AGAIN. WHO KNOWS?
“CONSTANCE 'CON ART' LEOPOLD... SIGNING OFF.”
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