TRANSCRIPT FROM THE RADIO BROADCASTS OF CONSTANCE “CON ART” LEOPOLD ON HIS SHOW ENTITLED “MAD UNLIVING”
09 – 12 – 2019
“SO, I FINALLY RAN OUT OF DVD'S TO WATCH. YEAH, I'M SERIOUS. I MEAN, I HAVEN'T WATCHED EVERYTHING POSSIBLE, BUT I'VE SEEN EVERY DVD I'D EVER BE INTERESTED IN. I SAW SOME REAL **** [laughter]. SO, I ASK YOU THIS... HOW IN GOD'S NAME DID DANNY DEVITO GET FAMOUS? I HOPE THAT LITTLE PONCE IS A ZOMBIE.
“COME TO THINK OF IT, HE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE ANY UGLIER. MAYBE HE LOOKS BETTER UNDEAD. [laughter] I CAN SEE IT NOW... UNDEAD SKIN CARE, BROUGHT TO YOU BY DANNY ****ING DEVITO! “IT WORKS FOR ME, IT WORKS FOR- BRAAAAIIIIINS!!!
“ALSO, I'M PRETTY SURE EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE HAS GOTTEN AT LEAST ONE THING COMPLETELY WRONG. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WATCH AND CORRECT A ROMERO MOVIE. I USED TO WORSHIP THOSE. THEY REALLY WERE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY ZOMBIE MOVIES BEING MADE NOW ARE DOCUMENTARIES. I ****ING HATE DOCUMENTARIES.
“SPEAKING OF, I HOPE MICHAEL MOORE IS A ZOMBIE TOO. A FAT ****ING ZOMBIE. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I HOPE MICHAEL MOORE WAS EATEN. YOU KNOW, COMPLETELY EATEN. WOULDN'T THAT BE IRONIC? THE MASTER OF EATING IS EATEN. THEN AGAIN, I DOUBT EVEN A ZOMBIE WOULD TOUCH THAT. GROSS.
“SO ANYWAY, I'VE TURNED TO READING BOOKS. I CHOSE THIS STUPID ONE CALLED 'AS I LAY DYING' AND LET ME TELL YOU, WELL, I'LL SUMMARIZE WITH A QUOTE, 'MY MOTHER IS A FISH.' [laughter] THAT'S AN ENTIRE CHAPTER. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP. I AM DEAD ****ING SERIOUS. WILLIAM FAULKNER MUST HAVE BEEN A TOTAL PONCE. WELL, HE DIED BEFORE ALL OF THIS, SO HE ISN'T A ZOMBIE. OH WELL.”
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